When I was a boy, I wasn’t a huge fan of Valentine’s Day.  First off, it was a lot of work.  I remember the first time my teacher told us we needed a “mailbox.” Not to be confused with an actual mailbox (with actual purpose), this was to be an old shoebox, that my Mom would help me wrap in white tissue paper, and decorate with hearts, and cupids, and other assorted super-masculine stuff.

I was certain that the only thing more painful than creating this tribute to some diaper-wearing-archer, would be the walk to school with it tucked under my arm.

I was wrong.  The most painful moment was not the any of the 87-times one of my schoolmates stopped me to comment on how pretty my box was.  No.  The real pain came in the classroom.

I sat behind my neatly primped little box with its shiny metallic hearts cut from tin foil (yes, I’m old enough to call it tin foil) and red sparkles, the envy of everyone, well, every girl.  Then I watched as one after another, my male classmates revealed their shoeboxes.  They all looked like – shoeboxes.  No hearts!  No cupids!  One guy didn’t even have a lid!

“It’s ok,” I thought to myself, “the girls are going to love this box!  It shows I’m sensitive.”  Turns out, the only thing this box showed was that I was a sissy with too much time on my hands.  It didn’t matter, though, because those cards were addressed long before the day of delivery.

“Tin foil” – remember?  I’m old.  Back when I was a kid, the educational system didn’t coddle kids with rules designed to spare their feelings.  If little Susie Goldenlocks didn’t want to give you a valentine, so be it.  And if your box was light on cards, hey, get a clue!  Paste is an adhesive – not a snack food!

Even before Valentine’s Day, there was the painstaking process of selecting the valentine cards.  There were not as many to pick from as there are today.  You could go soft – Barbie, Holly Hobby, or Hello Kitty.  You could go tough: GI Joe, or maybe the Six Million Dollar Man.  Or you could go neutral: cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Flintstones, or Scooby Doo.

The problem for me was that no matter which route you took, there was never the right amount of clever, non-mushy sayings.

-  Flintstones: “Yabba dabba doo be my valentine!”  Yuck!
-  GI Joe: “I’d fight for you valentine.”  Arrrggghhh!
-  Barbie: does it even matter?  It’s Barbie!

How cool it would have been to see GI Joe on a card saying, “Be my valentine and I won’t stomp you into the dirt – maggot!”  Or a Scooby Doo/Shaggy one that said, “Zoinks – better be my valentine cuz I hear the paste-eating kid likes you!”

I remember celebrating Daughter No. 1’s first Valentine’s Day.  As a Father, I could help decorate the box without shame.  And when she asked, “Gee Daddy, how do you know so much about decorating valentine boxes,” I just changed the topic.

I was awestruck by how many options there were for cards – cartoon characters, rock stars, movie stars – even a few classics like Pooh Bear and Scooby Doo!  I don’t recall what she chose, but I do remember the messages were very politically correct.

I believe it was Winnie the Pooh asking, “Will you consider acknowledging our acquaintance on this celebration of non-physical fondness.”  And that was the mushy one.

When Daughter No. 1 got home that afternoon, she had a huge pile of cards.  Some even had candy taped to them.  “You must be the most popular kid in your class!” I exclaimed proudly.  “Everyone gets the same amount, Daddy,” she replied.

“Everyone?” I inquired, “Even the kid who eats the paste?”

“Everyone.”  She added, “And what is paste?”

By the time Daughter No. 2 started, the card options were greater, the messages were blander, and candy was expected.  Being a bit more like her Daddy than her sister, she asked, “Can I give the boys ‘b-candy’ (you know, the stuff you don’t like but save for teenage trick-or-treaters)?”

I smiled, hugged my little girl, and said, “Of course.  And we’ll get that stale candy corn for the kid who eats the paste.”

“I love you Daddy,” she said with a smile, “but what the heck is paste?”

Do you know where you want to “go?” Are you introducing a new business or product? Are you seeking specific introductions or opportunities or referrals? Attending networking meetings and events without a plan for what you want to accomplish is like starting a trip without a destination, or even a map. You might stumble across the world’s largest ball-of-twine or only two-headed-snake.  But if you don’t know where you want to end up, you’ll never get there.  Worse yet, you might never even start the journey!

Are you driving the right kind of vehicle?  How do you respond to the question, “What do you do?” Do you recite a list of what you sell, hoping listeners will want to buy? Or do you provide a sense for what you offer, confident that listeners will want to know more? A great message is like a cool car.  People notice it, ask questions about it, and remember it.

Do you know how to drive? When given the opportunity to talk about yourself or your business, do you engage and connect with people? Or do you look at the floor, stuff your hands into your pockets, and use “um” or “uh” like salt on a bucket of popcorn? Delivering a great message poorly is like getting behind the wheel of an awesome sports car and swerving it all over the road, sidewalks, and backyards, until it comes to rest in your neighbor’s garden – covered with vegetables, wrapped in a hose, dragging a lawn chair and an Elmo sprinkler behind.

If you find your business isn’t getting the traction it needs, or going in the direction you want, don’t blame the road. Know your destination. Plan your trip. Fill your tank. Drive carefully, comfortably, skillfully. And in no time at all, you’ll be cruising down the road to success,  getting the attention you need to start generating the income you want.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not suggesting that the emotion or spirituality of any holiday be reduced for the sake of sales.  But, if snapping a picture of a sleigh in your restaurant’s parking lot, or putting a new spin on a traditional holiday story can generate renewed interest in your business, then go for it!  Never doubt, well-written holiday cards and letters invite people to read.  Well-crafted holiday ads invite people to buy.

As a parent, though, I’ll admit I have found some value in texting.  I can leave messages for my teenage daughters that I know, beyond all doubt, will be seen nanoseconds after class or  sports-practice ends.  I can also communicate with my kids in environments that are too loud or quiet for a phone call.  I even score “cool Dad points” when I’m swapping texts with the teens at a bball game or a dance (funny story for another time).

Sadly, my cool-points evaporate when the cool-kids see that my texts include punctuation…and capital letters…and actual words.  Call me old-school.  But I think increasing communication speed by abbreviating or cutting-off bits of words so they’re easier to type is like a increasing a runner’s speed by cutting-off his head so he’s more aerodynamic.  Sure it’s a valid choice, but I wouldn’t say it’s the best idea ever.

I get it.  I’m Fred Flintstone trying to communicate with the Jetsons (look it up kids, it’s a great analogy).  My texts make the teens “lol,” and their texts make me think, “wtf” (should that be censored…sorry, cnsrd?).  But grown-ups, please, don’t give in!  I’m begging you to use your words, and punctuation, and capital letters.  And who knows?  If actual words make a comeback, maybe using a phone to actually talk to each other will too!

Haha, jk.  (Darn it, how do I make that smiley again?)

Now I suspect he was referring to the court jesters – old English jokesters employed to provide humor in the kings’ courts, and not gestures – nonverbal communications using motions or signals to convey feeling or emotion.  Honest mistake?  For a TV anchor?  Sure…like an expert roofer using the wrong kind of nails.

I realize that new communication platforms such as tweeting and texting have given way to new forms of “language.”  When I turn on the TV, though, is it too much to expect of people being paid what I suspect is a rather large sum of money to do little more than communicate,  to be able to do so with a vocabulary beyond that of a third grader?

-  Dear Mr. Commentator: please ask Santa for a dictionary for Christmas.
-  Dear TV Station: please ask Santa for a commentator that doesn’t sound like a jester.
-  Dear Santa:  please bring me some new mittens so the grammatically-challenged don’t see my gestures.

So what can presenters, on any stage, do to keep minor missteps from turning into monumental mistakes?  Remember…

(1)  MAKE NOTES:  wearing a life jacket doesn’t mean you don’t know how to swim, especially when the waters are rough.  Make some notes.  Keep them where you can see them. Just remember they’re for reference, not for reading!

(2)  OWN YOUR MISTAKE:  everyone loses their train of thought once in while.  Stay calm, keep the train on track, and get rolling again.
“…and number three, uh, hmmm, that one’s escaping me at the moment, funny how even under these hot lights a person’s brain can freeze sometimes…(quick peek at notes) ah yes… the EPA.”

(3)  DON’T DWELL ON IT, BUT DON’T FEAR IT:  it happened – it’s over – move on.  But don’t be afraid to address it. Remember, mistakes don’t make you an idiot.  They make you human.
  “…I guess I forgot…if there’s someone in this race that’s never forgotten anything, they’d have my vote!” 

The challenge for presenters on any stage is not to achieve perfection, but to handle imperfection with grace.

“Practice makes perfect”…I don’t think so.   ”When life hands you lemons, make lemonade”…now THAT’s wisdom.

A great pitch is amazing – in sports and in business.  It is, in both environments, a skill that demands development, practice, and perhaps most importantly – versatility.  Because even the perfect pitch, served-up again and again, will eventually become less effective.

While your business’ offerings may be consistent, your potential customers are not.  Their perception of you and what you’re telling them is affected by their own experiences – what they believe they know about your product or service. And if we do not provide a sense of uniqueness that sets us apart from competitors, chances are we will not be invited to compete.

Take the time to develop your perfect pitch, and practice it until you’re comfortable delivering it, and fans are cheering for it.  And once that that happens, start working on another.  Because playing in the big leagues, you never know when you’ll have to change things up to keep your game alive.

When seen merely as runny-nosed, chess-playing, violin-toting, oddly-dressed, freaks, nobody cared how many wedgies, swirlies,  or other physical abuses they received.  To most people, the nerds were just another nameless/faceless group that the bullies picked-on.

So they repackaged themselves.  They reintroduced themselves with less emphasis  on “features” (super intelligence, awesome analytical skills, foresight) and more on “benefits” (outsmarting your competitors, transforming weaknesses into strengths, making other people smile).  They recognized opportunities to adjust their environment to their advantage (like modifying the “Hotel Coral Essex” sign…genius).   They changed people’s perception of the group and generated interest in the group.  People began to notice them, cheer for them, and want to be associated with them.

Why not take the same approach to business?  Sure, you’re probably not getting daily wedgies.  But knowing people see you as “just another _____ seller” can have a similar effect on your business’ popularity.  Are potential customers seeing only what you sell?  Do they understand what makes you different?  Do they know what you truly offer?  Do you want them to?

One expert said social media marketing lets you engage the world.  I would respectfully disagree on the basis that I believe there is a difference between truly engaging people, and simply getting  people’s attention.  Not that attention isn’t a good thing.  Another guru said that having lots of “likes,” “friends,” and “fans” commenting about you is a good thing because people like to buy on referral.  I couldn’t agree more about the power of referrals.  But, is a “dude, this is awesome,” or “omg dis S A1 product Iv evr uzd,” from someone with a name like hotshopper1334 really going to be the endorsement that turns a bazillion web surfers into loyal buyers?

I believe you transform buzz into business when you introduce yourself…in person.  Social media is powerful.  But don’t lose sight of the most powerful marketing tools you’ll ever have – your passion for your product or service, and your ability to share that passion with real-live-people in real-live-social-situations.

Online action generates attention.   Personal interaction generates interest – and income!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
R.J. Foster